Dear 2020,

I think it’s time for us to talk. At least I am writing, you are reading. You and I are almost through, but I have the urge to tell you how I truly feel about you.

I was still in 2019, but I was so excited to meet you. I was ready to start this new decade, and I can speak for everyone when I say that we all felt this way. I don’t know why but the sound of you was magical, hopeful even sexy. I was all about personal growth and freedom of mind.

I made so many plans for the next ten years, I bought a notebook, started a vision board and I was ready to find love. (LOL)

And then…

We were not even into Valentine’s day crap that you had already hit us with something we didn’t see coming. The death of Kobe Bryant.

Ok, If I can be honest, I am not a basketball homie. I have watched a few games, but nothing serious. However, nobody could have predicted that he and eight other people (including his 13 years old daughter) would die in the most terrible way.

It was fast, unexpected, choking. How can a helicopter ride take entire families in seconds?

I was damn sure that when this happened, we hit rock bottom.

And then…

Like a spree killer who has nothing to lose, or a police officer on duty, you kept going on your macabre path, taking millions of loved ones with you. It’s not like 2019 or 2018 didn’t do it before. It’s not like you were the only year that had a thirst for blood. But you are different, you know you are. You decided to keep the entire world hostage with a global pandemic. You made us look. You tied us up and made us look. It feels like we are in an Eli Roth movie, too much violence for such a little scenario. You made us look at this invisible common enemy inviting itself to our houses, our hobbies, our workplaces… Basically our whole life.

Who would have thought that a virus that goes by the name of a beer would make us so afraid, we would wash thoroughly every time we went out as if we had fallen into a septic tank?

But if I am being honest, you forced us to see how sick and sad humanity is, and therefore, how our planet is.

As I said, you didn’t start all of this. You were just taking over almost 500 years of lack of management. Slavery, Colonialism, systemic racism, ecocide, sexual violence against women and children, you name it! It seems like some sick fucker was running the place and was gaining more and more strength on feeding upon our tired souls.

You are the only one in a very long time who said: “I can’t do this anymore, I am done with your crap.”

Let’s be honest, we suck; I mean, there is an LGBTQ+ zone free in Poland, black transgender women have a higher death rate than any other communities and we are accomplices of the incarceration of thousands of people because of their religion just because we don’t care about each other anymore.

Sounds corny but it’s true. We are the monsters under the bed we were afraid of when we were young. And to be honest I am still scared of them.

I was wrong about personal growth though. You made me evolve in a way that I never thought of I would. I mean, I did go on dates with a guy who owns a parrot; and my hate for hats narrowed down to fedoras only.

But, overall I want to thank you. All these years searching for truth and realness, I got most of my existential questions answered. You made me go deep into my reflection about the meaning of my own existence, and I learn a few things along the way…

Here’s a list of what I learned from you and from me:

1. People usually tell you who they are first hand. Trust your gut.
2. Most human beings learned this year how to wash their hands properly.
3. A long-lasting friendship can end with a blink of an eye and you can feel good about it.
4. I can’t hike without breaking my ankle or twisting my knee.
5. We needed a pandemic to make some white people and non-black people realize that black people live on death threats daily.
6. Thinking that working is good for our health and wellbeing, is the biggest scam of the century.
7. The country of Human Rights is just a utopia and it’s definitely not where I was born.
8. Black and classy is acceptable only if it’s a dress or a car.
9. You don’t have to know someone to grieve them. (We miss you everyday Chadwick Boseman)
10. Quarantine with your family is sometimes like a never-ending Thanksgiving/Christmas dinner.
11. Time really doesn’t exist, otherwise, how can you explain that you were longer than the last decade?
12. We are creating the monsters of our own society.
13. Abolishing the police doesn’t have to be a dream or a silly thing to say.
14. The State do not help the people in need, the community does.
15. Capitalism is a real world pandemic.

But the most important thing that I learn is how strong and resilient human beings are. We had to watch for 9 months in a row the number of dead people built up every single day and be unsure about tomorrow. No matter how hard you fell this year if you have managed to get out of bed at least once this year you are a survivor and a superhero. Don’t let anyone, tell you otherwise.

To be honest 2020, while I can’t wait for us to finish this dance, I have no idea what your successor has in store for us. It’s like being excited for New Year’s eve, but you know the party will suck anyway. At least for this one, we don’t have to pretend anymore.

We had a wild ride, 2020. But it’s time to say goodbye. We are not good for each other. It’s not me, it’s YOU.

PS: Don’t try to contact me and forget you know my name, I will not answer.